Nothing lasts forever, forever doesn't even exist
by LoveLiesLife
Summary: All she ever asked for was for him to love her back; when she can't even have that the only thing she has left to turn to is, death.
1. Suicide is always the answer

Rain pounded at the window violently, while the whispers of the wind soothed Alex. She lay across the window ledge; Staring into the stormy night. Watching as each rain droplet fell at the top of the window to only be dragged back down; damn gravity.

Pain filled her beautiful chocolate brown eyes as memories filled her head.

''Alex; I love you, you know I do, you mean the world to me. You're my everything'' he lied.

''Promise me you're not lying? 'Cause you're my everything too, I love you so much'' Alex replied; UN- known to the fate that wasn't foretold to her.

''Do you honestly think I'd lie to you? Alex I love you is that so hard to believe?''

''No, It's just that... Never mind; I love you Dean''

She quickly snapped back to reality.

''BUT YOU DID LIE TO ME DEAN, YOU BROKE MY HEART, YOU BROKE ME, YOU LEFT ME'' she screamed, filled with hurt and anger.

She rushed to the drawers, falling over her bed in a desperate rush to get the object that lay in her top draw; A razor blade. She picked it up her eyes looking at it, adoring it. She clasped it in her arms; her white bed sheets quickly becoming a bloody red pool. Leaving Alex to fade into a black abyss.

* * *

''Alex, do you need anything washing?''

Nobody answered.

''ALEX! I know Dean upset you honey, but that doesn't give you the right to be ignorant!''

She stormed up the stairs, making her presence known to the steps. Opening the door...

''Alex...''

''ALEX! My baby, what did you do! Oh Alex, you should of come to me, my baby; it's all my fault''

Her mother said, caressing her in her arms in a tight grasp. Crying into the pools of blood; watering them down. She grabbed the phone out of her pocket and bashed in the numbers; 911.

''Help! Me... Help, my daughters dying! For God's sake; HELP!''

* * *

The room was ghostly white, pretty much like the patients contained in its walls. A hospital's a dangerous dark place. Filled with the dead and the not quite dead yet. And the babies who are born not quite knowing what they're getting themselves into. More worried about the traumas of being brought into this world than the heart ache of losing their boyfriends.

My head was heavy, and my eyes drooped. They saved me. They fucking saved me. A bandage lay across my wrist, revealing my secret to every his or her that wandered into my room. My mom went getting coffee; she'd never left my side since I nearly died.

I hate having to say 'nearly died' It makes me feel like I never accomplished my goal, an under achiever.

I was left in a hospital bed, alone, feeling half dead. Oh. The. Joy.

''Alex...'

I heard my name from the door, the voice was dark and heavy, the voice was... was... Nates. My Nate. And he was here. Finally; after 7 years.

* * *

_**Right so, this is like my first story on here! I'd love some reviews and to know what you think of it, thanks:-}**_

_**I've got a lot in store for this, and don't worry everything that happened between Dean and Alex will be revealed, and all the stuff with Nate will be to.**_

_**It's complicated right now, and not really that good. But I'll make it work for you all! I promise, thankyou for reading though. x x x x x**_


	2. I'd bleed for you would you bleed for me

Before I go into the whole Nate issue, I guess I'm going to have to explain everything. Starting with Dean.

You see; Dean was my first real boyfriend, my first kiss, my first love; my everything. The way his hand clasped mine; like a lock. And how he clung to me when he held me against him. Even the slightest touch from him would give me butterflies. Then when our lips touched it was like nothing else mattered in the whole world. I was his and he was mine. And at the time that's all that mattered to me. He truly was my everything and without him I'm nothing.

Dean had a bit of a reputation, you know? The school bad boy. Harper warned me about him, she was always saying ''Alex, he's dangerous! You should know better'' Looking back on it now, damn was Harper spot on. I guess it really is true what they say; Love is blind.

Eventually I went on a date with Dean and from that day on I couldn't bare to be apart from him. I loved everything about him. The way his eyes would glitter every time they looked at me, and when he smiled his teeth would flash at me looking like delicate pearls. He had that typical bad boy grin, flirtatious but cheeky and I couldn't get enough of it.

We did the typical girlfriend boyfriend stuff, he'd hold my hand, walk me to class. But to me it wasn't just a high school relationship. He was the one. It's stupid really the way I thought of it, obviously nothing lasts forever and that's one of the hardest lessons to learn. Obviously Dean wouldn't stay with me? I mean come on. Me? Alex Russo. I'm nothing special, I'm average. And Dean, well he was just damn right perfect.

We stayed together for around eight months, the best eight months of my whole life. Those eight months turned me from into a complete nobody, to a somebody. I was appreciated. The school knew about me all because I was Dean's girlfriend. Come to think of it Dean really did have a reputation, but it made me popular. And since Nate left, this was the only time I felt like I belonged here. I felt wanted.

It was our eight month anniversary, Dean told me to dress up; to look pretty. I knew that was impossible. My long brown hair was an exact replica of a well used kitchen mop. It fell in waves at the bottom of my hips. It was simple and boring. Long thick eyelashes framed my brown eyes. Brown, brown, brown. It's such a boring colour. I wished I looked like everybody else around here. Stunning long creamy blonde hair. With sea blue eyes. I longed to be beautiful. I longed to belong. And if looking like that made me belong to that category, then that was my goal; to be beautiful.

Anyway back to our anniversary. I did exactly what Dean told me, I tried my best to look beautiful. I helped my hair along by curling it instead of having my usual waves. And coated my lashes with black mascara and used Smokey eye makeup to try and look a little bit pretty. Obviously I failed. My coral red lips accentuated my Blood red dress that finished just above my knees. I mean boys like that type of stuff right? Short dresses. I then contrasted by adding black heels; another thing boys like. The only problem was I was in the dress. Not somebody gorgeous.

He took me to this perfect restaurant. It was obviously expensive; expensive and beautiful. It was by the beach so there was a perfect view of the shore. He knew how the beach was my favourite place. He looked at me with those gorgeous blue eyes and shone me that cheeky grin. He took hold of my hand softly. This was it, in fairy tales this was the part where he asked me to marry him; butterflies filled my stomach. His expression changed, he looked full of sorrow and hurt. My face dropped.

''Alex, we... we need to talk''

''We're talking right now aren't we?'' I joked to hide the pain I was already feeling.

''No Alex, I'm serious, I... I... I don't want to be with you any more Alex, you're just not the girl for me''

''But... but... what?''

I couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say. I was confused; I didn't know what I was hearing. And what I was hearing I definitely didn't believe.

''Dean; I love you. Don't do this please, I beg you. I NEED you Dean, without you I'm nothing. You're my everything'' I begged pathetically. But everything I said was true, I did need him.

He got up, and left. He left me there in the middle of the restaurant and walked away from me. No remorse. He wasn't even remotely hurt. And not once did he turn around and look at me. What a coward.

Tears involuntary filled my eyes, flooding the table. No way could I let this restaurant see me like this. I took my heels of and I ran, I ran to the beach. Not stopping or looking back once. I let my legs take me to the sea and I threw myself into it. I lay in the sea with my dress on. My body ached. The pain I felt was unbearable. It was like a stabbing pain in my chest. Reminding me how I wasn't good enough. Telling me how pathetic I was. I was angry at myself for not being good enough. I was never good enough. I pulled myself out the sea and lay in the sand; staring into the stars. Tears leaked down my cheeks glittering as the beams of the moon reflected against them; burning at my skin. My wet hair tangled with the sand and my dress. I looked like a tramp, but I didn't care, I didn't care about anything but Dean. Makeup stained my face. The mascara clung to my eyelashes delicately. Whilst the eye shadow poured across my face. And red lipstick faded across my chin.

I closed my eyes as my body stuck to the sand. I closed my eyes and slept on the beach. Begging not to wake up. Begging for this all to be a dream. Begging for the sea to drag me away. Begging for this to never of happened; waiting to disappear. Longing for Nate to come back home.

* * *

_**Right, so here's part two! The whole story isn't written this way I promise, I just wanted to get across the way Alex felt when Dean left her. And I wanted her to be able to tell her story.**_

_**Chapter 3's going to explain the whole Nate drama:-} And then the story shall begin, I promise. I'd love some feedback on whether you thought I got her pain across well? It's not as detailed as I wanted, But it'll do. Thankyou for reading this though. Reviews would be lovely. x x x x x x x x x x x**_


	3. Nothing more, nothing less

So now the whole Dean things been explained, hands up who wants to know the deal with Nate?

Nate Gray, I knew him before he was famous. Before he and his brothers were a band, before the fans and before all the money. I knew him my whole life. He was my best friend. Before Dean, Nate was my everything. Nothing more, nothing less.

I would never have said I was in love with him, but I loved him as a best friend. He was there for me through everything. Through the fights my parents had and through the break up. If it wasn't for Nate I'd of been dead a long time ago.

He was always my back up plan, if anything bad ever happened. Nate would be there, to protect me, to comfort me. Now I was never religious. But he was and I believed he was my guardian angel. He was meant to help me and I was meant to help him.

And then Dean broke me so easily, like I never even mattered. And when I needed him the most Nate wasn't there. I had nobody to turn to. Nobody to sing to me, nobody to wipe away my tears. I felt lonely and lost. I was spiralling into a depression. No Nate, No Dean, Nobody but me myself and I.

About seven years ago, Nate left. He left for L.A he was famous now he couldn't stay here with me. I was a nobody and he was a somebody. I was no longer good enough to be THE Nate Greys friend. We lived in two different worlds now, two completely different people. Or so I wanted to believe...

On his last night, we sat on the swings in his back garden; swaying back and forth enjoying each other's company. The wind tossed his curls behind him, showing off his chocolate brown eyes. They were definitely my favourite thing about him. I'd never seen such pretty eyes on a boy. They were precious. His lips curled into a slanted expression whilst his eyes teared up into a river flowing from those beautiful eyes. And yet he still looked so gorgeous. My Nate Gray was leaving me and there was nothing I could do.

'' I don't know what I'm going to do without you Alex... My Alex'' he whispered to me.

''Nate, please don't go, I'm going to be so lost without you, I NEED you Nate''

''Oh Alex don't guilt trip me; don't be so selfish, would you really deny me my dream? And make me stay here with you?'' His words cut through me, they caused more pain than I could ever do to myself.

''Nate... think about what you're saying, please... you're killing me''

''You're so selfish Alex! I'm killing you? As if! Oh Natey help me, Mummy and Daddy are arguing again! The whole world revolves around me! Blah, blah, blah poor stupid little Alex. I can't wait to get rid of you and your fucked up life''

''but...but... what?''

Those exact words I said to Nate were the same thing I said to Dean. I was losing my boy all over again. In the exact same way. I Alex Russo am no good for anybody. Everybody leaves me and nobody cares. I am the epitome of pathetic and I deserve everything that happens to me. I never deserved those two boys. Not for one minute.

He got up, and left. He left me there in the middle of the garden and walked away from me. No remorse. He wasn't even remotely hurt. And not once did he turn around and look at me. What a coward.

It's like my life was running in the same pattern... love, leave, pain. It was a vicious cycle. The love bit was perfect and I felt amazing. I felt like nothing could ever ruin it. Not even drugs could even come close to the euphoria of being in love and being loved back. Then they'd leave me, this part only lasts for a few seconds. As each time a boy has left me they've done it cruel and cold hearted. Without a care. Then the pain would start to hit. I was numb and something was constantly stabbing at my chest. My body and soul was there; but I wasn't. Nothing hurts more than getting your heart broke. I could never escape the pain. It was there all the time, every second, every minute, and every hour. It occurred in every thought. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't sleep and I couldn't eat. More importantly I didn't want to do any of those things. I wanted to waste away, to be forgotten and to die. I just couldn't take the pain any longer.

My best friend rejected me for fame and my boyfriend didn't want me anymore.

I had nothing left to live for.

* * *

**So the story is going to start in the next chapter from where chapter one left off, I just wanted the whole background issues to be explained. In Alex's P.O.V!**

**I'd really love some reviews thanks, they'd really mean alot! Am I making her a bit to depressive? Amy x x x x x x x x  
**


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